'AITA for sleeping with my friend’s 'hall pass'?'
"AITA for sleeping with my friend’s 'hall pass'?"
I (49F) have been friends with "Sarah" (49F) for about 15 years. She’s happily married, with two kids. I’m (amicably) divorced with a kid. We met at our childrens’ preschool. We’ve been there for each other through some tough times.
Sarah has a huge crush on…I’ll call him Jake, as long as I’ve known her. Jake is a popular, but not, like stadium filling musician. From what I can tell, he makes a living, has had popular albums, and has toured with A-Listers, but he’s not necessarily a household name. He’s in his late 40’s.
Sarah has never met him. She’s been to several of his concerts and owns a bunch of merch and considers Jake her Hall Pass. Again, she’s married and would never actually cheat on her husband.
Honestly, her crush never seemed off the rails to me. Like she’d joke about him wooing her through IG, but she didn’t, like, stalk him.
So let me say here, I would NEVER, even when I was younger, date or even flirt with a guy a friend of mine liked/was interested in Fries before Guys/Friends before Men - all that. It just wouldn’t be cool.
However...A few weeks ago, I randomly met Jake at a charity event. He was hired as the entertainment. We got to talking, and one thing led to another… and I ended up sleeping with him. It was a one-time thing, fun and we both knew it was casual.
At first, I thought it was a funny, wild story to share with Sarah. After all, it’s not like she would ever actually *be* with him, right? But when I told her, she looked really hurt. She wasn’t mad exactly, but she said something like, “Wow, I can’t believe you actually did that,” and she’s been distant ever since.
I didn’t think the “friends before men” rule applied here because he was basically her Movie Star Crush—not a real romantic prospect for her. But now I’m second-guessing everything. I feel awful for upsetting her, but I genuinely didn’t think it was that big of a deal. Now I’m wondering, AITA?
Here's what people had to say to OP:
Ya can't have 'dibs' on a guy you haven't actually met especially since you're married. And you really can't call 'dibs' on people anyway. Dibs on the last soda, sure. But not a human being. Your friend is a childish twit.
INFO - Did you sleep with him because he was her crush or because he was famous? because that would kinda make you TA.
Jackie---Daytona--- OP responded:
No. Like, he's a good looking and charming guy. Under other circumstances, totally someone I'd date.
Like, tons of people are famous, but not necessarily nice to be around. And if he wasn't physically my type, I wouldn’t sleep with him for bragging rights. She's actually the only one I told because I thought she'd be amused.
NTA she is married. She can’t call “dibs” on a guy she can even be with. I wonder how her Husband would feel about her crush. Honestly, I would take this as a wakeup call and end this friendship. She doesn’t sound like a good person.
Jackie---Daytona--- OP responded:
Oh, her husband knows Jake was her Hall Pass. Her husband has a Famous Person Hall pass too. MY husband did. Like, It's all said in fun. But people here are giving me a little more perspective in how she might feel.
I feel like dibs don't apply in this extreme situation. But she is a really good person. I honestly dont think she'd ever step out on her husband. But I clearly ruined a harmless fantasy of hers.
I honestly thought she'd be amused. Or even glad her friend had a fun night out. And if I really, truly believed she'd be hurt, I wouldn’t have done it. Or, in all honesty, it was the most fun I'd had in awhile, so at the very least I would not have told her about it. And maybe that makes me the AH anyway?
Lolol why do I feel like you slept with Daughtry.
Jackie---Daytona--- OP responded:
Ha! No. I even had to look Daughtry up. NO! NO NO NO NO NO!
Later OP added this edit:
EDIT - omfg. no, it was not dave grohl. I'd never sleep with a married guy. Thats just vile. Plus, correct me if I'm wrong, he was in fucking Nirvana and is Foo Fighters. Not exactly the type to play small corporate gigs.